Every year, International Men’s Day (IMD) struggles to gain recognition amidst dismissive rhetoric like "every day is men’s day" or "men commit violence against men." These perspectives, while rooted in partial truths, fail to account for the real struggles men face and the opportunity IMD provides to address them. More importantly, these arguments deepen a growing rift between genders in our current social climate. If we want to build a better future for the children of tomorrow, we must do better—together.
Why Patriarchy and Toxic Masculinity Harm Everyone
Patriarchy, by design, advantages men in many ways, but this doesn’t mean it doesn’t harm them. The rigid expectations of masculinity—stoicism, dominance, emotional suppression—alienate men from their own humanity. These norms pressure men to prioritize financial success over emotional fulfillment, physical toughness over vulnerability, and independence over seeking help.
For example, in workplaces, men are often expected to adopt an unyielding "provider" persona, leading to stress, burnout, and detachment from their families. Similarly, fathers who take on caregiving roles or openly express emotions are frequently judged as less "masculine." These expectations rob men of opportunities to fully engage in their lives and relationships.
This harm is not limited to men who fit traditional gender roles. Men who are LGBTQ+, men of color, or men from lower socioeconomic backgrounds face compounded challenges, as they navigate both societal stigma and unique systemic barriers.
It may not harm men as much as women, but it undeniably harms them. Recognizing this isn’t about comparing wounds but about addressing shared struggles. The patriarchy benefits no one in the long term.
The Issues Men Face
Each year on IMD, we must shine a light on the unique challenges men encounter—issues that are often overlooked or dismissed:
1. Mental Health and Suicide
Men account for 70% of suicides worldwide, according to the World Health Organization. This devastating statistic reflects the stigma men face around vulnerability and seeking help. The societal norm of "man up" discourages men from admitting to struggles, pushing them to internalize pain and isolation instead.
Despite this, change is on the horizon. Campaigns like Movember are normalizing conversations about men’s mental health, and therapy is becoming an increasingly viable option for many men. Still, the path forward requires dismantling stigma and ensuring that support systems are accessible to all.
2. Violence and Victimhood
Men are often seen only as perpetrators of violence, but they are also overwhelmingly its victims. Whether through violent crimes or systemic neglect of male survivors of abuse, men’s pain is often invalidated.
The assumption that men "should have fought back" or "can’t be victims" creates an isolating dynamic. Male survivors of domestic violence, for instance, frequently lack access to shelters or resources tailored to their needs. This systemic gap perpetuates cycles of harm and leaves many men suffering in silence.
3. Men and Therapy
Encouragingly, more men are seeking therapy than ever before, breaking free from outdated norms that equate emotional suppression with strength. High-profile figures like Prince Harry and athletes like Kevin Love have openly discussed their mental health journeys, demonstrating that vulnerability is not weakness but courage.
Therapy offers men a space to process their emotions, confront internalized toxic masculinity, and rebuild healthier relationships. This shift benefits not only men but their families, partners, and communities.
The Gender Divide and the Way Forward
In recent years, societal conversations have grown increasingly polarized, pitting men and women against each other. This adversarial framing fosters resentment and misunderstanding, undermining the shared goal of dismantling oppressive systems.
Movements like #HeForShe demonstrate the power of allyship between genders. When men and women work together to challenge rigid norms, everyone benefits. For example, workplaces become healthier environments when men take parental leave, allowing their partners to thrive in their careers. Similarly, children raised in environments free from traditional gender roles are more likely to grow into empathetic and resilient individuals.
To heal the divide, we must focus on uplifting one another rather than competing for recognition. Future generations deserve a world where collaboration—not division—defines gender dynamics.
Why Holding Space for Men Enriches Feminism
Some fear that holding space for men might detract from feminist goals. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Addressing men’s struggles doesn’t negate feminism; it strengthens it. When we work to dismantle toxic masculinity, we create space for healthier relationships, more equitable workplaces, and a more compassionate society.
Feminist thinkers like bell hooks have long advocated for dismantling patriarchy for the benefit of all. Hooks once wrote, "The first act of violence that the patriarchy demands of males is not violence toward women. Instead, patriarchy demands of all males that they engage in acts of psychic self-mutilation, that they kill off the emotional parts of themselves." Supporting men’s mental health and emotional well-being allows them to break free from these destructive norms and become better allies, partners, and parents.
Moving Forward
International Men’s Day is more than just a day; it’s an opportunity to start meaningful conversations, break down harmful norms, and bridge the gap between genders. By acknowledging and addressing men’s struggles, we not only support those who need it but also lay the groundwork for a society that thrives on mutual respect and understanding.
Let’s use this day to move beyond stereotypes and dismissals, creating a world where we uplift one another for the good of all.
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